Gina's Story
Last year I met Nicole around this time of year at World Market, it was so great to make such a nice friend. (Andy and I have lived up in Temecula for 5 year w/o making any real friends.) This year started out great, I was going to have a baby boy after waiting 12 years, who was to be due August 2nd. We named him Anthony Andrew after my Dad and Andy. Nicole was the first person I told, so it was very exciting to find out that she was going to be having a baby shortly after me. During my pregnancy I began having problems & had to go to the hospital. My water broke in the hospital bathroom as I was being checked in. I was told that being 20.6 weeks I had to deliver my baby. I'll make this short, My baby was born March 21st, with a heartbeat (I found that out two weeks later). He was so tiny, fitting into one hand, and he was so beautiful. I could see all of us in his features Eclipse, Nick, Andy, Me...my parents. As I was holding him, to me he looked like he smiled before going on to heaven.
After we found out that he had a heartbeat when he was born, we were told that we had to file a death certificate and have a funeral. (oh-boy, this is hard). The weeks that followed I can only remember waking up crying from the nightmares. My doctor gave me a prescription for anti-depressants to help me recover. At this time, I started the small group with Gavin and Nicole. It was very nice to be around everyone and I think that it helped me a lot. I found the anti-depressants to be an interesting thing, I never had to worry about being upset, but I never felt really happy either. I kept wondering... what was real? Through it all, our small group cared for us.
Soon after we lost our house & had to move. Ridgeline guys showed up to help us and I don’t know how we could have done it without them. Recently I took myself off of the anti-depressants, which I finally admitted to my small group weeks back. That felt wonderful to admit. I have mostly good days with only some very rare bad days, where it hits me hard. I like to think that I am strong, even on those days that are hard to get by. And would hope that I can help someone else someday that might be hurting.
I have always had a hard time getting to know others, but I feel like I have another whole family within our church. I am very grateful for this. I have always believed in God, and at the same time have always been scared of religion, it is so nice to be able to have a place to go and learn that doesn't scare me. :) Thank you for giving us a church to explore our beliefs where we’re accepted and loved. We are finally feeling like we have a place where we belong.
Gina Hawkins